Opinion Piece – Horoscopes: The Ultimate Pseudoscience

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I often enjoy the chance to flick through a magazine (or Instagram, as it is currently 2018) and marvel at what the stars and planets have written for me that day. If you sat any logical person down and explained to them what reading your horoscope actually means, they would probably laugh – yet I can guarantee most people reading this have once been so shocked to find out I ACTUALLY DO HAVE TRUST ISSUES, GLAMOUR IS SO RIGHT AND IT’S BECAUSE I WAS BORN IN APRIL.

I decided to run a little social experiment, and after being genuinely worried that I was entering dangerous territory in terms of identity fraud with the amount of personal information that I needed to give them, I found out my horoscope. Astrology.com were very kind to me today, telling me that “Your energy brings your warmth to the table in a big way, so communication is sure to be light hearted, wacky and free-spirited.” What a flirt. You might also be interested to know that I’ve given Joe substantial reasons to be worried about his relationship, as all you Cancers should be aware that “It’s tough to walk that fine balance between love and work, love and your social life, love and — well, you get the picture. If an emotional gale is threatening to tip your own personal SS Romance on its side, try and defuse those forces before it builds into the perfect storm. After all, it’s ever so much nicer — and much smoother sailing — when you and your partner are in sync about what is and isn’t important in your lives.” Sorry. Better watch out that your SS Romance keeps afloat.

I don’t mean to come across as mocking, because in all honestly, and I’m sure many of you can agree with me, that I have definitely read and been affected by my horoscope. If someone tells me that great opportunities and fortune lie ahead of me then I will, of course, be thrilled. Not going to lie, I have even checked my friends and boyfriend’s horoscope before to assure them that despite whatever inner turmoil they may be going through currently, the stars say “Now is the best time to put your big, personal plans in motion — or address shake-ups and reorgs you want to see happen in the workplace.” I even convinced my friend to talk to someone on a night out on the off chance they could have been “Your true love, who is just around the corner, waiting patiently but nervously.” Yeah, I am a sucker for a horoscope, even though deep down I’m sure they are truly, truly rubbish.

Pseudoscience is a fancy term for something that is basically a lie dressed up like a fact. It’s a fake science. Its fake news in its finest. Horoscopes are a prime example of this – the logic that astrologists give us is that your day, in terms of your job, wealth, relationships, hell even what you need to eat for lunch, is determined by the exact position of the stars and planets on the day you were born and how they ‘apparently’ are today. This is clearly, ridiculous. Their argument is that the celestial objects in the sky, and their energy, are influencing whether you should “Show your loved ones a bit more affection today”.

Overall, I hope to have debunked horoscopes for you, yet hopefully not ruin them entirely. As it is still quite nice and reassuring to hear the nice things they have to say about you, or even reasons why today might not have been the best day, because of something that is way out of your control. So, keep reading them if you like them, and don’t if you don’t. The stars will stay the same either way.

After all, I could just be saying all this because I’m a Virgo.

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